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A HELLP Story
by Lisa
sub - 5/22/01

The doctor want me to have her natural because I had low platelets and I was not clotting so well but soon 
the doctors had no choice and Joanna went in to distress my she had to be delivered by emergency c-cect. 
 

Tina's Story
HI,
     MY NAME IS LATASHA AND MY DAUGHTER' NAME IS AMARI. SHE WAS BORN NOVEMBER 27,2001 @ 4:30PM WEIGHING 1POUND 3OZS.  

WELL AMARI WAS BORN @ 24 WEEKS AND @ THE TIME
OF HER DELIVERY I HAD JUST TURNED 24 WEEK AN HALF AN HOUR PRIOR TO DELIVERY. 

DURING THAT SAME YEAR ON MARCH 28,2001, I HAD JUST GIVEN BIRTH TO A HEALTHY 8 PND BABY GIRL NAMED JAZELLE THAT WAS TWO WEEKS OVER DUE,
AND I AM ALSO A MOTHER OF THREE OTHER CHILDREN RANGING FROM 7YRS OLD TO 12 YRS OLD. 

AFTER  GIVING BIRTH TO MY BABY JAZELLE I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS PREGNANT 7 TO 8 WEEKS LATER WITH AMARI, AT FIRST I CONSIDERED ABORTION BECAUSE I COULDN'T IMAGINE RAISING TWO SMALL
KIDS TOGETHER. MY GOODNESS I THOUGHT, I JUST HAD JAZELLE AND SHE HAS A SIX YEAR GAP WITH MY OTHER CHILD, IF I HAVE ANOTHER ONE NOW THEY WOULD BE CONSIDERED IRISH TWINS. ANY HOW MY FIANCE DID NOT BELIEVE IN ABORTION SO I DECIDED TO CARRY ON THE PREGNANCY. 

     AT THE DOCTORS I WAS CONSIDERED TO HAVE ANOTHER HEALTHY STRONG PREGNANCY AND MY DUE DATE WAS TO BE ON MARCH 28 2001. I THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY CONSIDERING MY BABY JAZELLE WAS BORN ON THAT DAY. 

I CONTINUED TO WORK THRU MY PREGNANCY BUT, I CHANGED OCCUPATIONS, I WENT FROM SCHOOL BUS DRIVER TO HOMEMAKING. I GOT TWO ULTRASOUNDS AND THEY CAME BACK COMPLETLEY NORMAL.

AROUND NOVEMBER15 I STARTED TO GET A WHITE CLEAR DISCHARGE AND IT CONTINUED FOR ABOUT THREE DAYS, IT WAS SLIMY AND COMING OUT EVEN WHEN I TOOK A SHOWER OR LAID DOWN, THEREFORE I WORE PANTY LINERS. 

     ON NOVEMBER 22,2000 I PHONED THE DOCTORS TO TELL THEM OF MY SITUATION. I TOLD THEM THAT THE DISCHARGEREMINDED ME OF MY PREGNANCY WITH MY OTHER DAUGHTER JAZELLE, I WAS OVERDUE AND THE DOCTOR HAD STRIPPED MY MEMBRANES HOPING THAT IT WOULD FORCE LABOR. WHEN YOUR MEMBRANES ARE STRIPPED IT BASICALLY PULLS OUT
YOU MUCUS PLUG WICH IS TO THERE TO PROTECT YOU FROM GOING IN LABOR.

      ANY HOW THE DOCTOR SAID THAT SHE HAD JUST SEEN ME A WEEK BEFORE AND EVERY THING LOOKED FINE; AND THAT SOME WOMEN HAVE EXTREMELEY HIGH VOLUMES OF DISCHARD AND TO NOT BE ALARMED, THEREFORE I WASN'T. 

ON NOVEMBER 23, 2000 I WAS HAVING THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS. NIGHT TIME HAD COME AND WE WENT HOME AROUND 11PM. I WENT TO BED AT 1AM AND I REMEMBER WAKING UP WITH PAIN IN MY LOWER BACK. THEY WOULD COME AND GO BUT THEY WEREN'T TO BAD. EVRY SO OFTEN I WOULD
WAKE UP FROM THE TOUCH AND GO UN EASY FEELING OF LOWER BACK PAINS AND I WOULD FORCE MY SELF BACK TO SLEEP. I KNEW THAT LABOR COULD CONSIST OF LOWERE BACK PAINS, BECAUSE WITH ALL MY LABORS I ONLY HAD BACK LABOR, BUT I WAS IN DENIAL BECAUSE I HAD FOUR KIDS THAT
CAME FULL TERM WITH NO PROBLEM. 

5 AM HAD COME AND I WAS MORE UN EASY SO I GOT UP TO GO TO A STORE CALLED WALMART BECAUSE THEY WERE HAVING THIS SPECTACULAR CHRISTMAS SALE FOR ONE DAY AND THE STORE WAS OPENING
AN HOUR EARLY WHICH WAS 6AM. I GOT TO THE STORE @ 5:45AM AND IT WAS PACKED. EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED SEEMED TO BE ALREADY TAKEN. I FINALLY GRABBED A LASANGNA PAN THAT CAME WITH A CARRYING BAG AND A LID. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THAT I SHOULD LEAVE IT BECAUSE THE
LINES WERE LONG AND @ THAT TIME MY PAINS WERE REALLY BAD ESPECIALLY WHEN I STOOD IN ONE SPOT. 

STUBBORN ME I STOOD IN LINE IN PAIN AND PURCHASED THAT PAN. I FINALLY GOT HOME AT 7:15AM AND BOY WAS I STILL HURTING. MY
FIANCE ASKED ME TO LAY DOWN AND I DECLINED TELLING HIM THAT MY BACK HURT AND I WOULD SIT IN THE CHAIR AND TAMPER WITH THE COMPUTER. 

AT 10AM MY FIANCE LEFT TO DO SHOPPING AND SAID HE WOULD RETURN @ 2PM IN ORDER TO GET READT TO LEAVE FOR WORK. AT THIS TIME I LAID DOWN,
AND AROUND 1:30PM MY FIANCE CALLED TO ASK ME TO PACK HIS LUNCH I DECLINED BECAUSE OF COURSE I WAS STILL IN PAIN. HE CAME HOME AND I WENT IN THE KITCHEN TO ATTEMPT TO MAKE A SANDWICH FOR HIM ONLY TO SCRUNCH UP MY FACE EVERY FEW MINUTES FROM PAIN, MY GOD WHAT WAS I THINKING I WAS IN LABOR SAME SCENERIO FROM MY OTHER
PREGNANCIES, BUT I WAS STILL IN DENIAL. 

       WITHIN  AN HALF AN HOUR I WAS STARTED TO HEMORAGE, I MEAN THE BLOOD WAS POURING OUT OF ME ALL AT ONCE LIKE I WAS PEEING AND FINALLY IT SLOWED DOWN LIKE A PERIOD, AND MY FIANCE AND I RUSHED TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL, WHICH WAS QUINCY HOSPITAL. 

WHEN WE GOT THERE THEY TOOK ME INTO AN EXAMINING ROOM AND THEY EXAMINED ME AND SAID OH GOSH I SEE A HEAD OR A BUTT OR
SOMETHING, AT THIS TIME I WAS STILL BLEEDING BUT IT WAS LIKE I WAS ON MY PERIOD. THEY ALSO SAID I WAS ABOUT FIVE CENTIMETERS WHICH WAS THE POINT OF NO RETURN MEANING THERE WAS VERY VERY LITTLE THEY COULD DO TO STOP MY
LABOR, AND THEY ALSO INFORMED ME THAT THEY NO LONGER A BABY HAD A BABY WARD AND THEY WOULD HAVE TO TRANSPORT ME TO ANOTHER HOSPITAL, THEREFORE THEY CONTACTED BOSTON MEDICAL CTR IN BOSTON MA WHICH WAS
ABOUT 30 MINUTES AWAY. 

WE GOT THERE IN AN AMBULANCE IN 15 MINUTES. BEFORE LEAVING QUINCY HOSPITAL, BOSTON
MEDICAL CTR  TOLD QUINCY HOSPITAL TO PUT ME ON A DRUG CALLED MAGNESIUM SULFATE WHICH IS USED TO STOP LABOR, IT WAS AROUND 4 PM AND DURING MY WAIT, I REMEMBER A NURSE TELLING US THAT BEING ONLY 5 MONTHS PREGNANT MY BABY WOULD BE BORN BY TWELVE MIDNIGHT, BUT MY BABY
WOULDN'T POSSIBLY LIVE. 

FINALLY, I WAS PLACED ONMAGNESIUM AND THEN TRANSPORTED TO BOSTON MEDICAL CTR AND BOY THE MAGNESIUM WAS GOOD TO ME IT TOOK
AWAY THAT PAIN RIGHT AWAY. 

     ONCE I ARRIVED AT BOSTON MEDICAL CTR I  WAS PUT IN A ROOM AND RE-EXAMINED AGAIN. IT WAS CONFIRMED THAT I WAS 5 CENTIMETERS. THE NURSES PUT ME IN A BED AND GAVE ME A SHOT CALLED BETAMETHOSONE WHICH IS USED TO ENHANCE THE BABIES LUNGS, AND THEY TILTED THE BED IN
ORDER TO TAKE PRESSURE OFF MY CERVIX. 

FINALLY A DOCTOR CAME INTO THE ROOM AND SAT DOWN TO TALK TO US, HE ASKED US WHAT WE WANTED TO DO? 

     SHOULD THEY GO TO ALL EXTREMES TO SAVE MY BABY OR LET HER DIE? I DECIDED THAT THEY WERE TO GO TO ALL EXTREMES, MY FIANCE THOUGHT OTHER WISE, BEING THE FACT THAT THE DOCTOR SAID IF THEY WENT TO ALL EXTEMES TO SAVE HER SHE COULD BE MENTALLY RETARDED BLIND,DEAF,AND E.T.C ALSO, MY FIANCE AND I HAD MET ONE
ANOTHER 4 YEARS PRIOR THRU WORK. WE WORKED WITH MENTALLY CHALLENGED ADULTS BACK THEN AND HE THOUGHT BACK ON OUR EXPERIENCES, AND HE FELT THAT THIS WAS NOT WHAT E WANTED TO DEAL WITH. 

ANY HOW BECAUSE I DECIDED OTHER WISE IT WAS MY WAY. WELL THE DOCTOR SAID HE GRANT MY WISH, BUT IF BUT NOT ME.

     IT WAS A  FRIDAY AND I WASN'T IN PAIN ANYMORE, YES I WAS STILL BLEEDING LIKE I WAS ON MY PERIOD, BUT HEY I FELT O.K PHYSICALLY, BUT MENTALLY I WAS SCARED TO DEATH. SO MANY THINGS WERE GOING THRU MY MIND AM I GOING TO HAVE TO EXPERIENCE A FUNERAL? WHAT WOULD
THIS BABY LOOK LIKE? WOULD I BE ABLE TO STAY STRONG OR WOULD I CRACK UP? SATURDAY CAME AND I HAD TO REMAIN ON COMPLETE BED REST. I COULDN'T EVEN LET MY FEET TOUCH THE FLOOR. MY HEAD STARTED TO HURT BECAUSE OF THE
MAGNESIUM AND THEY ALSO STARTED ME ON ANTIBIOTICS IN CASE OF AN INFECTION. 

THE NURSES CHANGED MY PADS NOT KNOWING WHERE MY BLEEDING WAS COMING. I HAD
NUMEROUS ULTRASOUNDS AND THEY COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT, THE ULTRASOUNDS SHOWED THAT THE BABY WAS EXTREMELY LOW IN THE BIRHTH CANAL AND WAS HEAD DOWN IN PLENTY OF FLUID. I WAS ALSO PLACED ON A MACHINE TO MONITOR MY
CONTRACTIONS AND THE BABIES HEART BEAT. 

ON SUNDAY AROUND 4PM AND I WAS STILL IN THE BED AND I HAD JUST GOTTEN A SECOND SHOT OF BETAMETHOSONE. THANK GOD BECAUSE IT COULD ONLY WORKED IF YOU WERE ABLE TO RECEIVE TWO SHOTS, AND MY GOD I MADE IT ANOTHER DAY. 

     NOW HERE IT IS MONDAY MORNING I AM STILL TILTED IN THE BED BLEEDING AS IF I WAS STILL ON MY PERIOD AND STILL I HAD NO PAINS. AROUND 2:45 PM MY FIANCE WAS LEAVING TO GO TO THE BABY SITTERS HOUSE TO TAKE THE KIDS OUT. 

MY MOM WALKED IN THE DOOR AS HE WAS LEAVING AND SAT DOWN, SHORTLY AFTER THAT THE NURSE CAME IN TO GIVE ME MILK OF MAGNESIUM, METTAMUSIL, AND FIBER CON ALL AT ONCE TO FORCE ME TO USE THE BATHROOM IN A BED PAN.

WHICH I REMEMBER TRYING TO HOLD OFF, BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF GOING THAT WAY SICKENED AND EMBARRASSED ME. AT THAT TIME IT SEEMED AND FELT LIKE A MOVIE I WAS WATCHING, BECAUSE A GROUP OF DOCTORS ALL CAME IN TO LOOK AT ME. AND AT ONE TIME THEY WERE TALKING AMONGST
THEMSELVES AND PEERING OVER AT ME. FINALLY ONE OF THEM
ASKED IF I FELT CONTRACTIONS, I SAID NO. AND ANOTHER
DOCTOR ASKED TO EXAMINE ME, FINALLY THEY INFORMED ME
THAT I WAS TEN CENTIMETERS AND I HAD TO IMMEDIATLEY GO
TO THE OPERATING ROOM IN ORDER TO DELIVER. I REALIZED
THAT DURING THIS WHOLE TIME I HADN'T CRIED, BUT BOY DID I
BREAK APART AT THAT MOMENT, MY EYES WERE SO BLURY
AND MY HEAD FELT LIKE IT WAS ABOUT TO BURST. I
REMEMEBER TRYING TO CALL MY FIANCE TO TELL HIM TO COME
BACK TO THE HOSPITAL BUT HE HAD JUST LEFT THE
BABYSITTERS WITH THE KIDS, THEREFORE I TOLD HER TO KEEP
CALLING HIS CELL PHONE TO TELL HIM TO GET TO THE 
HOSPITAL A.S.A.P.  
     I HUNG UP THE PHONE AND WAS WHEELED DOWN A LONG
BRIGHT HALLWAY. IN THE OPERATING ROOM IT WAS SOOOO
BRIGHT AND SCARY! I BECAME NAUSIOUS AND MY HEAD WAS
HURTING WORSE. THEY ALL TOLD ME THAT A WHOLE LOT OF
DOCTORS WOULD BE IN THE ROOM BECAUSE EACH ON OF THEM
SPEACIALIZED IN DIFFRENT AREAS, THEY ALSO SAID THAT
WHEN SHE COMES OUT I WOULD NOT HEAR ANYTHING, IT
WOULD BE DEAD SILENCE, AND THAT SHE WOULD BE
EXTREMELEY TINY. MY MOM WAS RIGHT BY MY SIDE. SHE WAS
ALL CHANGED INTO A GOWN, HAT AND MASK. THE FUNNY AND
PECULIAR PART OF MY DELIVERY IS THE FACT THAT I PUSHED
FOR BASICALLY CLOSE TO AN HOUR AND MY OTHER KIDS WERE
SO FAST WHEN THEY CAME. AND THE EMBARRASING PART WAS
THE MEDICINE THAT KICKED IN DURING THAT PUSHING
EXPERIENCE THAT WAS MEANT FOR ME TO USE THE
BATHROOM. BOY! THAT PUSHING TIME AND THE WAIT FOR HER
TO COME OUT SEEMED LIKE IT TOOK HOURS. I TRIED HOLDING
MY LEGS AND BRINGING THEM TOGETHER ANG THEN SITTING
STRAIGHT UP TO MOVE THE PROCESS A LONG, BUT STILL IT
WAS IT WAS VERY SLOW. 
     FINALLY AMAR'S HEAD EMERGED AND A DOCTOR TOOK A
HOLD OF HER AND HELPED ME BY PULLING HER OUT THE REST
OF THE WAY. WOW!! MY BABY IS THE SIZE OF A SMALL FROG!
SHE LOOKED GREY AND BLUE AND FUNNY ALL AT THEY SAME
TIME. HER BODY WAS LIMP AND LIFELESS. THEY LET ME
GLIMPSE AT HER AND THEN THEY RAN VERY FAST OUT THE
ROOM, A FEELING OF PURE LIFELESS SADNESS CAME OVER ME
I FELT DEAD. BUT, IT WASN'T OVER FOR ME, I HAD
COMPLICATIONS DUE TO DELIVERING A PREEMIE. THE NURSE
INFORMED ME THAT SHE HAD A PREVIOUS CONVERSATION
ABOUT THE COMPLICATIONS THAT COULC ARISE FROM
DELIVERING A PREEMIE I CAN'T REMEMBER THAT CONVERATION
AT ALL, BUT SHE SAID SHE TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT BEFORE
HAND. ANYWAYS SHE INFORMED ME THAT SHE HAD A HARD
TIME DELIVERING THE PLACENTA AND IT BROKE, BECAUSE IT
WAS ALSO WEAK AND PREMATURE, DUE TO THIS IT BROKE. I
STARTED  TO HEMMORAGHE REALLY REALLY BAD AND THEY
SAID I HAD TO GET A SURGERY CALLED A DNC  IN ORDER TO
TRY AND SAVE ME FROM GETTING A HISTORECTOMY. UM UM UM
IT DOESN'T END THIS IS ALL I NEED, I FELT CONFUSED. THE 
DOCTOR CALLED AN ANISTEGIEOLIGIST IN TO PUT ME TO SLEEP
AND THEY PUT A MASK ON MY FACE FOR ME TO BREATHE IN
THE MEDS, THE FUNNY, BUT NOT SO FUNNNY THING IS, I NEVER
WENT TO SLEEP, BOY WAS STAYING AWAKE A KILLER FOR ME
IT HURT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT. FINALLY THEY WERE DONE
THEY WERE ABLE TO SAVE ME FROM GETTING A
HISTORECTOMY THANKGOD! DURING THIS TIME MY FIANCE HAD
RACED TO THE HOSPITAL AND WAS OUTSIDE THE ROOM  THE
WHOLE TIME, BUT FOR SOME REASON THEY NEVER LET HIM
INTO THE ROOM. I WAS FINALLY TAKEN BACK TO A ROOM TO
RECOVER UNTIL I WAS RELEASED TO GO HOME. I FELT MORBID
DEAD INSIDE AND STILL COONFUSED. NOTHING SEEMED REAL
TO ME, I HAD A BABY I THOUGHT WHATS HAPPENING WITH HER
NO ONE HAS COME DOWN TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING YET, WHAT IS
SHE GOING TO LOOK LIKE. FINALLY A DOCTOR CAME TO SAY
SHE WAS STABLE AND HOOKED TO ALLOT OF MACHINES THAT
WOULD LOOK SCARY TO US AND SHE WOULD  NOT LOOK LIKE A
NORMAL BABY TO US EITHER, HE ALSO STATED THAT A BABY
BORN AT HER GESTATIONAL AGE IS CONSIDERED TO BE WHAT
THEY CALL A MICRO PREEMIE AND THE HARDEST TO WORK
WITH. WE SAT AROUND FOR WHAT SEEMED TO BE A LIFE TIME
AND WE FINALLY GOT THE NERVE TO TAKE A WALK TO THE
NEONATAL INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, WHERE OUR BABY WAS.
WHEN WE GOT THERE IT FELT LIKE ALL EYES WERE ON US, AND
THERE WAS A SENSE OF PITY BEING SENSED. WE WERE
PROMPTED TO WALK DOWN PAST A FEW BABIES TO GET TO
OUR BABY. WHEN PASSING THE OTHER BABIES THEY DIDN'T
SEEM TO TO SMALL TO ME I THOUGHT, BUT WHOAH WHEN I
GOT TO AMAR'S BED SHE WAS THE SIZE OF THE PLANTERS
PEANUT MAN, MATTER OS FACT SHE WAS THE SAME SIZE AS
THAT LITTLE CARTOON CHARACTER. SHE LOOKED
TRANSPARENT, AND I COULD SEE HER RIBS AND SHE HAD OH
SO MANY VEINS SHOWING. I REMEMBER THINKING THIS IS
WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE IN THE WOMB AT FIVE MONTHS
PREGNANT, BOY ARE THEY TINY. I FELT EVERYONE STARING AT
US TO SEE OUR REACTION, BUT I WAS QUIET AND CALM. A
NURSE CAME OVER AND EXPLAINED THINGS TO US AND SAID
SHE WAS THE SMALLEST THEY HAD IN YEARS AND THE
MACHINE IN HER MOUTH WAS TO KEEP HER INTABATED WHICH
WAS USED TO EXPAND HER LUNGS FOR BREATHING CALLED A
RESPIRATOR . SHE WAS ALSO GIVEN A DRUG CALLED
SUFACTRUM  USED TO HELP HER REMEMBER TO BREATHE. MY
BABY HAD SO MANY WIRES ATTATCHED TO HER UMBIBLICAL
CORD IN ORDER TO PROVIDE HER WITH NUTRIENTS. THE NURSE
SAID EVENTUALLY THEY WOULND CLOSE UP THE CORD
BECAUSE THE CORD WOULD EVENTUALLY BE UN USEABLE AND
DIE OFF THEREFORE THEY WOULD REPLACE THAT WITH A
OPERATION IN ORDER TO PLACE A LINE IN HER IN ORDER FOR
THEM NOT TO USE HER SENSITIVE VEINS. WELL, TWO WEEKS
WENT BY AND MY BABY WAS STILL STABLE, BUT THEY ALWAYS
TOLD ME TO EXPECT HER HOSPITILAZATION TO BE LIKE A
ROLLER COASTER RIDE, BECAUSE IT WOULD BE UP AND DOWN.
AND IT WAS,  EVENTUALLY THEY WANTED TO PLACE A CENTRAL
LINE IN AMARI IN ORDER TO GIVE HER THE NESSECARY FLUIDS,
MEDS, AND OTHER THINGS SHE NEEDED. SHE HAD THE
SURGERYAND I WAITED DURING THAT TIME I WAS SCARED THAT
SHE WOULDN'T MAKE IT THRU, BECAUSE SHE WAS STILL THE
SIZE A LITTLE FROG, BUT GOD CARRIED HER THRU ONCE AGAIN,
THEY ALSO PLACED HER ON A DRUG CALLED VERCET TO HELP
HER FORGET HER SURGERYS AND A DRUG CALLED MORPHINE
TO MAKE HER STAY CALM IN ORDER TO KEEP HER GROWING,
THEY USE THIS DRUG OFTEN WITH PREEMIES. BEFORE LONG 
THEY PUT SOMETHING CALLED A G-TUBE IN AMARI'S NOSE THAT
WENT INTO HER STOMACH IN ORDER TO FEED HER I THINK
AMARI WAS TWO WEEKS OLD THEN. SLOWLY BUT SURELY AND
ALMOST UNNOTICEABLE TO ME AMARI GAINED WEIGHT. SOON
HER CENTRAL LINE BECAME INFECTED AND SHE NEEDED
ANOTHER LINE PUT IN, IT REQUIRED ANOTHER SURGERY, ONCE
AGAIN I FELT SICK AND SCARED AND OCNCE AGAIN IT WENT 
WELL. TIME WENT ON AND CHRISTMAS CAME I WAS SOOO SAD
AND MORBID INSIDE I CELEBRATED WITH MY KIDS AT HOME FOR
A SHORT TIME AND THEN LEFT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO
SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY WITH AMARI. MY FIANCE NEVER
CAME MUCH I FEEL THAT HE WAS SCARED, BUT HE NEVER
EXPRESSED IT, BUT BEING A MAN THAT IS ALWAYS THERE FOR
ME AND THE KIDS HE WAS VERY DISTANT DURING THIS TIME, HE
STAYED HOME TAKING CARE OF THE OTHER KIDS ALLOT.
EVENTUALLY AMARI DDEVELOPED SOMETHING CALLED NEC
WHICH IS A BACTERIA THAT EAT AWY AT THE LINING OF THE
INTESTINES. THIS COULD BE SERIOUS, THEREFORE THEY
STOPPED FEEDING HER FOR TWO WEEKS AND EVENTUALLY
WITHT THE GRACE OF GOD IT WENT AWAY AND MY BABY WAS
EATING AGAIN. ONE DAY I CAME IN AND THEY ASKED ME IF I
WANTED TO HOLD HER. HOLD HER! I THOUGHT NO WAY SHE
WAS STILL INTABATED AND THAT TUBE SCARED THE HECK OUT
OF ME BUT I DID AND IT FELT GOOD. ANNOTHER TWO WEEKS
PASSED AND AMARI WAS 6 WEEKS OLD AND I REMEMNBER ME
AND HER FATHER ARRIVING AT THE NICU FOR A MEETING AND
DR. BROWN RUSHED US INTO THE ROOOMTO SEE AMARI, THERE
SHE WAS AND THAT TUBE IN HER MOUTH WAS GONE SHE HAD
ONLY A HOSE TYPE CONTRAPTION BLOWING OXYGEN INTO HER
NOSE, MY GOD SHE WAS BREATHING ON HER OWN!!!  SHE WAS
BREATHING WITH THE HELP IN A CONTRAPTION CALLED C-PAP.
ANOTHER TWO WEEKS PASSED WITH NO PROBLEMS AND MY
BABY WAS EVEN BETTER SHE WENT ON A CANNULA WHICH
WAS A SMALL TUBE PLACED UNDER HER NOSE THAT BLEW
OXYGEN, THIS WAS A BIG STEP BECAUSE THE C-PAP BLEW
FORCED AIR TO EXPAND THE LUNG AND WITH THIS IT MEANT
SHE WAS STILL NEEDING MORE SUPPORT WITH HER LUNGS.
THREE MONTHS HAD PASSED AND MY FRIEND WAS VISITING ME
AND AMARI AT THE NICU AND ONE OF THE INTERNS CAME OVER
TO TALK TO ME AS THEY USUALLY DID, HE SAT DOWN AND
STATED THAT AMRI'S ULTRASOUND WAS LOOKING BETTER
THAN THE LAST AND THAT WAS A GOOD THING. AMARI HAD
ULTRASOUNDS AND DOCTORS AND NURDES LOOKING AT HER
ON A REGULAR BASIS, BUT FOR SOME REASON IT DAWNED ON
ME THAT THE WORD IT LOOKS A LITTLE BETTER THAN THE LAST
TIME MEANT SOMETHING! THEREFORE, I ASKED HIM WHAT HE
MEANT AND, LIKE A SLAP IN THE FACE HE SAID I'M TALKING
ABOUT HER BRAIN BLEED.WHICH IS CALLED INTREVECULAR
HEMMERAGHE WHICH FORMS IN FOUR DIFFRENT GRADES FOUR
BEING THE WORST, AND GUESS WHAT? THEY FELT THAT HERS
LOOKED LIKE GRADE FOUR. THIS BRAIN BLEED CALLED  IVH 4
COULD CAUSE RETARDATION, CEBRAL PASLEY, AND SO MANY
OTHER ISSUES. BUT THIS WAS MY FIRST TIME HEARING OF HER
BRAIN BLEED, BECAUSE UNBELIEVABLY THEY HAD FORGOTTEN
TO TELL ME ABOUT IT WOW! THE WHOLE TWO AND A HALF
MONTHS THAT SHE WAS HOPITALIZED AND DIAGNOSED WITH
THIS A WEEK AFTER BIRTH THEY FORGOT TO TELL ME, YOU SEE
SHE HAD THIS SINCE BIRTH FROM NOT GETTING ENOUGH
OXYGEN AND AGAIN THIS COMES WITH THE TERRITORY OF
HAVING A PREEMIE, TO BAD EVERYONE ASSUMED THAT
SOMEONE ELSE HAD DONE THE JOB FOR THE AS FAR AS
INFORMING ME ( GREAT LACK OF COMMUNICATION I THOUGHT) I
REMEMBER GOING HOME AND STAYING ON THE INTERNTE ALL
NIGHT LOOKING UP PEOPLE THAT HAD PREEMIES AND MORE
THE ONE THAT HAD BABIES WITH THIS PROBLEM, I GUESS I
WAS TRYING TO SEE THE OUTCOME OF THE KIDS WITH IVH.
HOWEVER, THE WEIRD PART IS THE DOCTORS WERE ALL DOING
THERE PART AS FAR AS TREATING THE ISSUE. I BECAME A VERY
DEPRESSED PERSON, OFTEN SNAPPING AT PEOPLE AND
DRIVING EVERYONE AROUND ME NUTS. LORD I THOUGHT TO
MYSELF MY FIANCE WARNED ME ABOT THIS AND I LOOKED THE
OTHER WAY, NOW LOOK AT WHAT I AM FACING NOW. THE
DOCTOR FINALLY CALLED ME AND MY FIANCE TO A MEETING
AND SAID THEY HAD GOOD AND BAD NEWS, AMARI'S BLEED
WAS NOT GRADE FOUR, BUT IT WAS STILL THERE AND IT WAS
GRADE THREE. NO BETTER I THOUGHT I READ ABOUT MORE
COMPLICATIONS BEING ASSOCIATED WITH 3 &4. I REMEMBER
HAVING A LIST OF QUESTIONS THAT I GATHERED FROM THE
INFO OFF THE INTERNET, AND ASKING THE DOCTORS
EVERYTHING ALMOST ALL AT ONCE. THEY SLOWED ME DOWN
AND SAID SHE HAD NOT DEVELOPED MAJOR ISSUES, BUT
COULD NOT DETERMINE HER OUTCOME, THAT WOULD HAVE TO
BE WATCHED THROUGH HER DEVELOPMENT AS SHE GREW
OLDER, AND WITH THAT THAT WAS ALL TO IT NOTHING MORE
NOTHING LESS. ALMOST FOUR MONTHS HAD PASSED AND
AMARI WAS CONSIDERED A GROWERER AND FEEDER, MEANING
JUST THAT, SHE WAS BEING WATCHED AS SHE GREW AND ATE.
FINALLY AMARI WAS COMPLETLEY ON HER OWN AS FAR AS
BREATHING. SHE LOOKED LIKE A REGULAR BABY, SHE AHD
NOTHING ON HER FACE OH, EXCEPT FOR THE NG TUBE IN HER
NOSE IN ORDER TO FEED HER, BUT THAT WAS SMALL. WITHIN
NO TIME THEY TOLD ME TO TRY A BOTTLE WITH AMARI. I
REMEMBER THAT DAY AS CLEAR AS YESTERDAY, I WAS SOOOO
EXCITED AND GEUSS WHAT SHE WAS ONLY GIVEN 1 CC OF
MILK, BUT WHEN I PUT IT IN HER MOUTH IT SHOCKED ME SHE
SUCKED SO HARD IT SEEMED LIKED IT WAS GONE AS SOON AS
SHE STARTED. THEY PUT THE REST OF THE MILK THRU THE
TUBE, BUT EVERY TIME AFTER THAT SHE KEPT WIPING DOWN
MORE AND MORE CC'S OF MILK UNTIL I MADE THEM TAKE THAT
TUBE OUT. AND SHE LOOKED EVEN MORE BEUTIFUL TO ME. IT
WAS NOW FEBRUARY 2001 AND MY BABY WAS DONG GOOD.
ONE DAY AFTER AN EYE EXAMTHE DOCTOR EXPRESSED SOME
CONCERN, HE SAID THAT AMARI WAS IN THE SECON STAGE OF
WHAT THEY CALL RETINOPATHY OF PREMATURITY ROP, WHICH
CAN LEAD TO HER BEING BLIND. NO NO NO ANOTHER TRAUMA
AND SLAP IN THE FACE. THE FOLLOWING WEEK THEY EXAMINED
HER EYES AGAIN AND I REMEMBER THIS DAY CLEARLY IT WAS
ON A FRIDAY AT 1PM WHEN THEY LOOKED AT HER, AND AFTER
THEY EXAMINED HER THEY SAID SHE WAS AT A VERY SERIOUS
STAGEOF ROP AND SHE HAD DEVELOPED SOMETHING CALLED
PLUS DISEASE AS WELL. THEY INFORMED ME THATA SURGERY
WAS NEEDED RIGHT AWAY, I BROKE DOWMN INTO TEARS. I
WAITED THAT DAY IN A DAZE AS THEY PREPARED HER SURGERY
AND I LISTENED TO THEM EXPLAIN THE PROCEDURE AND THE
OUTCOME AS WELL, THEY SAID THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE FIRST
SURGERY, BECAUSE AT THIS STAGE IT USUALLY REUIRED MORE
THAN ONE SURGERY. THEY HAD ME WATCH A FILM ABOUT
CHILDREN WITH ROP, I REMEMBER GETTING MORE DEPRESSED
SEEING THE KIDS THAT WERE BLIND DUE TO ROP PEOPLE AND
FINDING OUT THAT THE SINGER STEVIE WONDER WAS BLIND
DUE TO ROP. WELL HER SURGERY STARTED, SHE WAS
INTABTED ONCE AGIN IN ORDER TO NOT WORRY ABOUT HER
BREATHING DURING SURGERY AND SHE WAS GIVEN MORHINE
AGAIN AFTER HAVING IT PRIOR IN THE PAST I REMEMBER
HER TAKING A WEEK TO SLOWLY WITHDRAW OFF OF IT. AND
SHE WAS ALSO GIVEN VERCET TO HELP HER FORGET THE
SURGERY AFTERWARDS. WELL TWO HOURS LATER SHE WAS
DONE AND THE NEXT DAY THE TOOK THE MISRABLE TUBE OUT
AND I HAD TO WAIT A FEW DAYS FOR THEM TO TAKE A LOOK AT
HER EYES TO SEE IF IT WAS SLOWLY REGRESSING. ON
TUESDAY THEY LOOKED A MY BABIES EYES AND BY THE GRACE
OF GOD IT WAS COMPLTLEY AN TOTALLY GONE. THEY CHECKED
TIME AND TIME  AGAIN, AND STILL HER EYES LOOKED
WONDERFULL. WELL THAT WAS HER LAST BATTLE, AT THE END
OF MARCH THEY TOLD ME THAT IF SHE COULD GO SEVEN FULL
DAYS WITH NO APNEA OR CARDIBRADIAC EPISODES SHE COULD
COME HOME. APNEA AND BRDY SPELLS AS THEY CALL IT IS ONE
THING I FORGOT TO MENTION, AMARI AS WELL AS ALL
PREEMIES HAVE THIS PROBLEM. APNEA IS WHEN THEY FORGET
TO BREATHE AND A BRADY IS WHEN THERE HEART RATE DROPS
FOLLOWING APNEA. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT ALL PREEMIES
USUALLY GROW OUT OF AND ONE THE MACHINES THAT WAS A
STICKY BAND PLACED ON THERE FOOT IN ORDER TO KEEP
TRACK OF THESE EPISODES WAS ON ALL BABIES UNTIL THEY
WENT HOME. ANYWAYS AMARI WAS EXPECTED TO COME HOME
IN THE MIDDLE OF MARCH, BUT ON HER SIXTH DAY SHE HAD A
SPELL AND WE HAD TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK. I GOT THAT
PHONE CALL FROM A RESIDENT , INFORMING ME THAT AMARI
HAD A SPELL AND SHE COULDNOT LEAVE THE NEXT DAY, I
CRIED. HOORAY! MY BABY MADE IT THRU THAT NEXT WEEK AND
HER FATHER And I WENT TO GET HER AND WE VIDEO TAPED
HER LEAVING, I WAS SO HAPPY I COULDN'T SLEEP THAT NIGHT.
IN CONCLUSION, AMARI IS NOW 8MONTHS OLD AND IT IS NOW
AUGUST 9,2001. AMARI HAS NEVER HAD ANY MORE ISSUES WITH
HER EYES, MATTER OF FACT THEY DON'T WANT TO SEE HER
UNTIL NEXT YEAR BECAUSE THEY LOOK SO GOOD. HER
SERVICES FRO THE VUSITING NURSES WAS CUT OFF BECAUSE
SHE DID SO WELL, AND C=OCCUPATIONAL THERAY COMES
ONCE A MONTH TO SEE HER. MATTER OF FACT THEY TEST HER
WITH TOYS AND SHE SO SMART AND BRIGHT THEY ONLY SAY I
JUST CAN'T BELIEVE HOW ADVANCED SHE IS. SHE EATS
CEREAL, PEACHES, AND ANYTHING SHE COULD GET HER HANDS
ON. AMARI LOVES TO WATCH TV AND LISTEN TO PEOPLE TALK
ALL SHE DOES IS LAUGHT AND SHE SNATCH ANYTHING THAT
YOU PUT IN FRONT OF HER. HER LUNGS WERE NEVER A
DICUSSION BEFORE LEAVING THE HOSPITAL AND THEY TOLD ME
THAT IF SHE HAD A BRAIN BLEED BECAUSE SHE IS SO
ADVANCED NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW. BEING A MOM OF
FOUR OTHER KIDS PROIR TO AMARI, I MUST SAY HAD I NOT
HAVE BEEN THERE TO EXPERIENCE THE WHOLE NICU, I WOULD
NEVER BELIEVE THAT THIS PRECIOUS BABY OF MINES WAS
EVER A MICRO PREEMIE. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD IT
FEELS FOR A DOCTOR TO LOOK AT HER AND SAY SHE IS TO
GOOD TO BE TRUE UNBELIEVABLE. 
 


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Updated 
6/2/01